Archives For Relational

4 Things Intentional Relational Ministry Shows To Students

February 11, 2013 — Leave a comment

Intentional, relational, authentic ministry. I would like to think this is the goal for everyone and anyone in youth ministry. Students are the most accurate “B.S. Detectors” and can sniff out a fake from a mile away. One thing that has been on my heart lately is being real, genuine and intentional about relationships with students that I know well and students I just met. Whether it is the guys in my small group or the the student sitting by themselves in services, being intentional about the relationship I start and develop with them is key. What does it say?

  • I Care About You- In any case with a student, whether how well you know them, any step you take into getting to know them a little better than you already do, shows them that you care. It is really easy just to say hi during the service, but to ask them about themselves, how their relationship is with God and simply just have fun, shows how much they mean to you and that you care for them.
  • I’m Not Just Another Face- I am really bad with names. I mean, I’m awful with names. It’s embarrassing. Being intentional about remembering a new persons name will go further than you can even think of. Just the other day, another leader told me that a student who I met once before, who has not been to church in a month, said I remembered her name and it made her feel so welcome and loved that she had to tell a leader and was glad she was back. It then sparked a great conversation. Make their face known.
  • You’re Proud of Me? - I have been making a point to tell the students who are serving in our ministry to help me pull off our weekends that I am so thankful for what they do and that they contribute so much to the weekend and that I am proud. Never have I ever said that and have someone be upset or angry. Their face lights up. These can be a game changer knowing that you, their leader, are proud of what they are doing.
  • You’re a Nerd. Me Too. Let’s Be Friends- Sometimes to break the ice, you have to look stupid and make them laugh. Since laughing is one of my favorite things, I like to assume everyone else likes to as well. Sometimes you have to look dumb and not care what others think. This works for me at least. For example, I met a ton of new students at an event. I showed all of them a new dance move I made up called “The Knowles” (a video will be made someday with this, I promise). I looked dumb, but I got the whole group of new students to do it as well and spread the word. 2 days later I got a Facebook message about how excited they were that they made a new friend by doing the dance move to a student, and a friendship started.

These are my own personal intentional relational goals that I am working on. If you have any personal goals as well, please share! We are all in this together.

In Communication, high school ministry, Leadership, Relational, student ministry, Youth Ministry , , , ,
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How To Make Your Large Group Like Your Small Group

February 7, 2013 — 4 Comments

In most churches we say, “Weekend/Midweek services are the main attraction to new believers, and small groups is where they go to grow more spiritually.” I believe this. In the ministry I am involved in does this. Our weekends are to EXPOSE the Gospel to students and small groups are to have them EXPERIENCE Jesus. I am all for the weekend/midweek services, I LOVE them. I love the crowds because almost all of the time, there are new students there. But there is something that I think we need to be aware of.

This past year, in my group, I have experienced at least 30% growth. Incredible right? Oh, by group I mean my small group. It’s growing. Fast. Why? Because my guys are bringing in friends. Friends who do not know Jesus, and those friends are hanging around every week.

All the groups who are growing have something in common, and as someone who loves the weekend services, has challenged me personally to see what are we doing in small groups that is attracting non-believers almost more than weekend programs, and how can we transfer that into our weekends.

All of the small groups that are growing have this in common from what I see:

  • There is good food- Notice how I didn’t just say “food”, I said good food. Free food is great, free GOOD food is unreal. Students love to hang out and eat. It is a community building time. It’s laughing, talking, hanging out. Students come to where the food is. In my small group, all of the moms take turns cooking for us. We eat and hang for an hour before we study. Obviously during the weekends it could be hard to have free food every week. Chances are there is a fast food (we have Chick-fil-a and In-N-Out) near you. After service announce you are going there to eat as a group and I guarantee you will have students who you never have met before there hanging out.
  • The group is real- Groups that are growing are the ones in which people talk about real things and real relationship forms. I’m not talking about shallow teaching, the Gospel is the Gospel and when the Gospel is preached, God moves. I’m talking about shallow relationships among the leaders and the students. In small groups, the leaders are authentic, they open up. Students tend to do that too when their leader does. I just had a leader talk to me about how he felt he was not making a connection with the students on the weekends. I told him to talk to only a few students how you would in the small group instead of trying to say hi to all of them who walk in. It changed everything. Be real, students will be also.
  • Students know they can ask ANY question- One of the new guys in our group asked, “How does someone worship and show love to God.” For a group mostly of Christian kids everyone was sort of taken back by the “simple” question but they looked at me to answer. I asked them to share how they do it, and it was awesome to see them minister to their friend. The point? Are we making it known to our student they can/there is someone to ask a real, honest question they have in our weekend/midweek services. Chances are if they really know there are people to talk to, they would find them and seek them out.
  • They know and are prayed for immediately- In our growing small groups, prayer is a huge deal. They know if something is going on in their life that they share, the entire group will stop and pray for them right then and there. That’s so encouraging. I am bad sometimes at saying on the weekends, “I’ll pray for you” and then don’t. This is something at Saddleback this last year we have been focusing on, praying right then and there for our students, letting them know they can be prayed for NOW. And I believe it has transformed our ministry to a level in which it was not before. Students are coming out of the woodwork for prayer. It’s awesome.

There is a reason why these small groups are growing and students want their friends to come to it. We need to try to tap into why that is. I’m sure there are more reasons, and I might even post them as a continuation. Do you have any thoughts? Let me know.

In God, high school ministry, Leadership, Ministry Idea, Relational, Small Groups, student ministry, Youth Ministry , , ,
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This Is Why We Do What We Do

January 22, 2013 — 2 Comments

There have been days, even weeks where I have felt ineffective. My group is not listening to a word I say. They same to be making bone head mistakes, all of the time. It seems as if ministry is just something I am trying to get through.

I have a pretty big small group of guys. The keep on bringing their friends who do not go to church, so obviously I’m not going to turn them away. they know they are welcomed here and won’t be judged. Most of my guys have grown up in the church. They know their stuff, it’s now the living it out that they are trying to learn how to do. The guys who are coming who are not Christians take it even to the next step of immediately Instgramming pictures of themselves drinking wine when they get home. Not trying to hide it, but bragging about smoking weed. So I have the Christian kids trying to figure it out, the non-Christian kids being themselves because they don’t know how to do anything else yet. Talks will need to take place when the timing is right, but it is part of the game.

But here is the thing. They come every single group. Almost the entire group, unless they have a game, is there. They come with their Bible and a pen and take notes. When we are going through our study, I look up and they are into it. Underlining. Taking notes. Circling. I can see it, in the guys who have grown up in the church and the guys who don’t believe yet, their wheels are turning in their minds. There is something working in them. God is working in them, and that gets me excited.

I just got a text from one of the guys who is just checking out this whole Jesus thing (his words) that said, “Ever since we analyzed the Bible on 1 John 1, I have been reading the Bible a lot more. Just want to give you thanks for helping me out! God and I are pretty much the closest we have ever been. My faith has been growing slowly more and more since I joined this group.”

THIS IS WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO!

Let me encourage you today:

  • Today we expect to see immediate results. That’s just our culture. God is working on them way harder, and more effectively than you are. Be confident He is working.
  • They are listening even when they do not seem like it.
  • Be patient. They are watching and listening to us. When they hear the Gospel and how it calls them to live, they see the difference it makes and most of the time they look at you on how to live that out.
  • The best thing in ministry (in my opinion) is to see a student finally get it. Something clicks and they are on fire for the Lord. It’s the best feeling to see how God is working in them.
  • Be encouraged that God is working in their lives and being faithful in their lives because you are being faithful to them by teaching them, being their for them, and doing life together with them.

It’s the text we get when the light bulb goes off and they finally let down their walls to allow God to start working fully in their lives, a reminder of why we do what we do.

Keep this in mind. It’s the best.

In God, high school ministry, Leadership, personal growth, Relational, student ministry, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry , , , , , ,
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The “Fringe” Kids

January 2, 2013 — 2 Comments

You know exactly who I am talking about. It’s the kids that just all of the sudden starting showing up because their group of friends go to the same school, who sit in the back, who talk the entire time, and that smoke on campus. The types of kids we all think, “What are they even doing here?” Right? Truth is, they are right where they belong. These types of kids are my personal favorite and even through they can be disruptive they will listen to the message and watch how you react to them, it just sometimes takes a little longer for life change to happen because they have their walls up. Jesus’ message has the power of life change, and once grasped they are hooked. I have seen it, and it is amazing.

The “fringe” kids can be very intimidating at times, so how do you get “in” with them so they start to listen and talk to you? This might be different for other people, but hear is a list I have come up with to help minister to these types of students:

Be intentional: You have to be. For the most part from what I have seen, the typical response to them if they went to another church, sadly, was you have to leave. So they already will see any adult as a threat and just making a point to know their name at first is huge! If they think this group will be different, they will stick around. If they stick around, they will hear the message, and hopefully eventually respond.

Be relational: That’s how Jesus would be. At my last church I served at, there was this particular group, exactly matches the description I said above, and I would try and make it point to hang out with them at some point of the night and establish a relationship with them. It got to the point where I invited them to In-n-Out after service and we then would go every single week after service and our relationship grew more and more.

Be strong: Can’t even tell you how many times I wanted to punch this group. Even through you establish a relationship, they will be them during service and be disruptive at times. There are times in which you will need to remove them from service and show them they cannot distract others from hearing the message, but instead of just kicking them out, go out with them. I would go outside and just talk with them for a second 1) To show them I still want to respect them and show I care for them 2) it’s one-on-one time with them outside and a great way to break down some walls. Then we would go back in after a few minutes and they would usually be god to go for the rest of the service.

Get them involved. The moment they realize they are apart of the night there is a change. I had a group of guys who would ride their BMX bikes to service every night we met. They would always come in early to leave their bikes in the back before sitting down. One night I asked them if they were to come in early, can they stand by the door and simply high-five everyone who came in the door when we opened them, and they did it, and they loved it. They then did it every week from then on out and it became their ministry. They were involved, they owned it, this was their church.

Be patient: It may not seem like it’s making any difference, but I promise you it is. If they are coming back, even through actions don’t change immediately, they are listening. The more relationship you gain with them the more they open up and trust. We had a leader who also had a heart for these kids. He would sit with them every service, take them out every service, and started a small group with them. He even hired some of them at the pizza place he managed. It is unreal the transformation in some of them. Some now are even pursuing ministry. Jesus works in their lives even if you can’t see it.

Be loving: That’s how Jesus was to people on the fringe. That is how we need to be. High schooler are the best B.S. detectors I know. they know when you are not genuine, so be loving and they will want to be around you and want you to be around them.

I have seen it. The “fringe” kids will turn into “core” kids if you give them a chance and love on them.

In Communication, God, high school ministry, Ministry Idea, Relational, student ministry, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry , , , , , ,
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Youth Workers: You Are Loved

December 27, 2012 — 5 Comments

Is it budgeting meeting time for you too? Some of you join me in solidarity as you just went through this meeting yourself, and others of you just got mad at me for reminding you that it’s coming up in a few months. Woops, sorry.

It’s no secret that many churches are hurting finically and when it comes to the church budgeting meeting sometimes it looks likes a wrestling match. Different ministries are fighting to not lose money here or to gain money there. Then it comes time to talk about student ministry and the criticisms starts.

Some of the comments are constructive.

Some of the comments you just nod politely and think, “Homie, you think student ministry is just a good message and a game huh? Ahh that’s cute.”

Then there it is; that one comment that pierces you where it hurts most. You just want walk out of the room crying or reach across the table and strangle the person. You know that feeling I’m talking about? Perhaps this feeling did not occur at that budget meeting. Maybe it that one comment from a parent, or that co-worker, or that e-mail, or something else entirely, but as a youth worker you are not only offended, but your feelings are hurt and for a split (or not so split) moment you are numb.

I want to recognize the reality that we in student ministry also hurt. We also go through pains and trials. Sometimes it is work related; we can be having a great time in ministry and then something happens negatively at work and we hold on to that. Yes, I know it is not healthy to hold on to the negative, but let’s admit that we hold on to the negative from time to time. Sometimes our hurt is not work related at all. We too feel loneliness, and we too know the feeling that everything is not alright.

Today, I just want to simply remind you that YOU ARE LOVED. You are loved first of all by the Creator of the universe. You are loved by the God who is compassionate, gracious; slow to anger, and abounding in love and faithfulness. You are loved by the very same God who called you to this ministry. God wants you in this ministry journey. We tell students all the time that they are loved and they are not alone. This time it is our turn to hear that too.

We are loved and we are not alone. Remember when we tell students that Christ shares in their sufferings? Remember when we tell students that Christ knows full well our pains and struggles? Yes, that message is for us as well.

We are loved and we are not alone.

Also know that you are loved by your students and their families. They love you for coming to their games. They love you for coming to their concert. They love you for just being there when they are hurting. They love you for how you have cared for their child.

Friends, we know that hurt still continues, but we have a hope that helps us continue in life and in ministry.

Friends, YOU ARE LOVED.

*This post was written by my very good friend/pastor/my groomsmen/college roommate who is the Student Ministries Director at Good Shepherd Presbyterian Church in Long Beach, CA. He is one of my favorite people on this earth and you can follow him on Twitter @wernerramirez 

In Communication, Devotional, Leadership, Relational, student ministry, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry , , , , ,
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When Students Are Being Butt-Heads

November 20, 2012 — Leave a comment

You think it sometimes, I just said it.

I do not really know how else to say it, but sometimes the only way to describe how we feel about some students: “You’re being a butt-head”. We love them to death. We pour our lives out to them and for them. We want nothing more to see them grow in their faith and walk closer with Jesus but their choices and attitude show otherwise. It can be tough because you know they have the capability to do amazing things but for some reason, they are doing dumb things, and as youth workers it breaks our hearts.

I just talked with a mom this week who’s son I am really close to and she was venting to me about how she wants her son to love Jesus so much and that he was doing so good in his walk with Jesus and then in one weekend everything changed and he made some pretty bold, not so smart moves and is slowly going down hill. She asked me if I can non chalantly spark up conversation with him and see what is going on in his life, which for me (I thought) would be no problem because we have done this numerous times while hanging out getting coffee or food. We have had a great, open, talks about anything and everything relationship. So I called him to see if he wanted to hang out and instead of jumping at the chance (like he normally does) he was short and rude with me and brushed me off. I tried to hang out with him a few more time and again, brushed off and more bad decisions.

So what do you do? What can you do? What do you do when your heart breaks for a student who has so much potential and they are not going that way at all? How can you minister to them even if they are pushing you away?

  • Dont stop trying- We might seem annoying, but it’s important for them to know you have not forgotten about them. If they don’t show up for a while or are out of communication, a simple text, voicemail, or note will let them know you are still there for them and they will know this. We never want the reason for them not coming back is because they felt we as their leader forgot about them when they were far away.
  • Dont stop praying- This sounds simple but it can get lost in the everyday business or ministry. Even just letting them know you are praying for them, and then actually pray for them will go further than you can ever imagine. Maybe God will work on their heart and prompt them to talk to you.
  • Talk to their friends- If they wont talk to you, they talk to friends. For the student above, I went to one of his best friends in our group and asked him to minister to him because he would not meet with me, and it seems to be working. (I only did this because I knew this student was mature enough to do this. Make sure that student wont do more damage than not).
  • Wait for them to come back- You can’t do much to help someone who does not want to be helped. So we wait. Like the prodigal son, we wait until they return and when they do, no matter how far they stepped away and what they did, you welcome them back with open arms and love on them. Hopefully they do come back, if not, repeat steps 1-3.

What are some other ways in which you communicate to students who all of the sudden want nothing to do with you or our group?

In Communication, God, high school ministry, Leadership, Relational, Small Groups, student ministry, Youth Ministry , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Guest Post: Another Blog About Student Leadership

November 15, 2012 — Leave a comment

Student Leadership: It’s a popular buzzword in student ministry circles. Articles, books, videos, conferences and hours upon hours of seminary training have been devoted to teaching youth workers how to teach students…leadership.

Now, if you’re like me, you’ve sampled a few of those offerings, and maybe got lost in the process. Ministry suppliers like Simply Youth Ministry, LeaderTreks, and Student Leadership University have enough resources to overwhelm even the most seasoned student of leadership. The stuff is great and useful…but, they often  leave me (and my student leaders) wanting a bit more. It’s kind of like drinking one of those 8oz cans of Coke: tasty, but not satisfying.

So, I’m proposing an approach that works for our student ministry, and I think it can help yours as well. (yes, another blog entry on student leadership). This stuff isn’t original with us. We stole our framework from a great book: the Bible.

When you look at the strategy of Jesus, you find three main things he did with the disciples: He equipped. He guided. He sent. In our ministry we “theme” this process using the idea of a hunting or fishing outfitter, so our ministry is called OSM Outfitters. Here’s how it breaks down.

Equip: Throughout Jesus’s ministry, you see him training and teaching the disciples leadership principles. Think of him calming the waves and waiting for Lazarus to die before he goes to Bethany. These two episodes, among others, taught the disciples about integrating leadership and faith. In Outfitters, we do this part through guided studies and having them work alongside our adult volunteers in the student ministry and other ministries.

Guide: Jesus also gave his disciples “guided practice,” or opportunities to be a part of active ministry. Examples of this are their participation in the feeding the 5000 or their inability to cast out demons (assuming Jesus had given them the task of doing so). These were times when Jesus said, “Do X,” and then stepped back to see how they did, offering assistance where needed.

Send: Finally, Jesus gave the disciples chances to go it alone. The most obvious is when he sent out the seventy disciples to minister in the outlying towns. He gave them the chance to serve, and when they came back blown away by how God worked through them, Jesus was elated. For us, this is the fun part. We’ve had students tackle some big ministry dreams! Some failed miserably, and others succeeded, and BOTH results were learning experiences for all of our student leaders.

So, there it is. It’s nothing new or trendy, nothing super spiritual or mind-blowing. It’s just WWJD style ministry, but it has elevated those students in our student ministry who have chosen to step up to the plate and become leaders to a new level in their walk with Christ and their effectiveness for the Gospel. I think three things sum up why it’s been so successful.

1. Access: OSM Outfitters is open to anyone who is willing to make the commitments that we require of our leaders. We don’t pick them. They choose to step up. (Ownership)

2. Action: Get out of the youth room! Bible studies are great, but learning in the midst of the battle is so much more effective and life-changing. There’s a time for words. But we have to make more time for practice. We encourage our students to dream big, and we resource them to chase those God-given dreams.

3. Intentionality: Leadership development must be intentional. Just because ministry is taking place, DOES NOT mean leadership is being developed. We’ve got to figure out ways to draw the desire of leadership out in our students, and then feed that hunger. We give our students opportunities to serve alongside other leaders, observe leadership in action, and even see how poor leadership affects those who follow.

In a nutshell, that’s how we do student leadership in our student ministry, and I believe it is the best thing we do. I could go into a lot more detail, but you’re probably ready to move on to an actual Knowles blog entry. So, let me leave you with one challenge. Jesus ministry was wrapped up in two things: preaching the kingdom (Gospel) and building his church (leadership). I assume you’re doing one of those in your ministry already. Don’t you think it’s time to get serious about the other one too?

Dustin Slaton has been involved in student ministry for over ten years, and is currently Minister of Students & Recreation at First Baptist Church in Terrell, TX. He’s passionate about developing student leaders who will embrace the mission of the church and reach the lost generations. Please contact him if you’d like more info on starting your own student leadership initiative at @dustinslaton or http://www.overflowterrell.com.

In God, Guest Post, high school ministry, Leadership, Relational, Small Groups, student ministry, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry , , , , , , ,
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Confrontation With Students: Calling Them Out In Love

October 16, 2012 — 5 Comments

As much fun as ministry is and can be there always is a time in which you need to confront a student with life choices they are making or they are being disruptive in service. Let’s be honest, no one loves confrontation. It can be very hard at times. Even though it’s tough it is important in ministry to handle conflict with students well. A confrontation handled well can help launch them into the next level of personal growth in life and with Jesus. A confrontation handled badly can cause way more damage to the situation than their was before you entered into the situation. Hence, the importance of handling conflict well.

I have had quite a few times where I have needed to confront and I thought I would write down some practical tips in doing so, and doing so well that is beneficial to both parties:

  • Pray before- Seems obvious but if I do forget to one thing the most, it’s this one. It’s so easily overlooked but it really is the most important. There is nothing better than going into what can be a very difficult conversation than going in knowing that you went before the King and gave Him the situation before you even began with the student. I pray that He gives me the correct words to say in ministering to the student and discernment when counseling them.
  • Be up front- There is no use to dancing around the situation. I would always try to “warm them up” before actually getting to the meat. As soon as they sit down, I lovingly let them know that I want to talk about something that can be hard to hear but it important because I love and care for them, then I go into it.
  • Be on their side- Confrontation is exactly that when two people are going head to head. If you can’t confront someone with love and with a positive end in mind for them (redemption, restoration, growth), you shouldn’t be confronting them in the first place.  Remind them of this as well—that you’re on their side—and that you want to see this issue resolved in a way that everyone learns and grows through it.
  • Go in private-  Go in private according to Matthew 18:15. A one-on-one conversation. If you cannot overlook the issue then attempt to resolve the conflict or misunderstanding by applying God’s principle of going one on one whenever possible. There is no benefit in calling them out in front of their friends after service or small group about something they have been doing (Finish reading Matthew 18 if one-on-one doesn’t get through).
  • When it gets heated, slow down -When things get heated it can be really easy  to get revved up with them. The other week a had a student sit all the way in the back of the room when their was plenty of seats closer. We had the entire back blocked off and I went over and kindly asked him if he would be willing to move up to join us. With a rude response back that took me off-guard I asked him again to come up just to the last row of the blocked off area at least. More disrespect back, yelling back at me at this point about how he did not want to be there and didn’t know anyone and to leave him alone. I didn’t. Instead, I took a breath, sat down next to him, eye level, calmly said, “Have you ever thought the reason why you don’t know anyone is because you sit all the way back here? If you want to know people, I know almost everyone here, I will literally walk around and introduce you to everyone we come in contact with. Then you will be the most popular guy here. Even more popular than me. I’m not trying to be “that guy” to make you do something but I’m just asking you to move up a few rows so you’re not the only one back here.” With a different attitude, he said, “My name is Even” shook my hand and moved up. And after service we went around meeting people. It was awesome.
  • Point Them To Jesus- Overall, you are to point them to Jesus. As ministers that is what we are supposed to do. We need to use these times of confrontation as teaching and learning for our students and for us as pastors as well. If we can leave the conversation with the students leaning on Jesus more, than it is a success.

What else would you put? Add to the list?

In Devotional, God, high school ministry, Leadership, Ministry Idea, personal growth, Relational, student ministry, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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How to Make a New or Outcast Student Feel Welcomed

October 4, 2012 — 9 Comments

Making someone in your youth ministry who is new or is an “outcast’ is something no matter how big or small your ministry is, is a key issue to at least be aware of when it comes to your services. For a new student, it can determine whether or not they are going to come back or not or for the outcast it will determine whether or not they feel loved or not. So how do we make them feel like they are welcome and loved and be intentional about it?

For our ministry, we make it a point to connect with every single student who walks in our doors. Does it always happen? No, but we try to connect with as many as we can and be intentional about it. Here are some practical was that you and your ministry can work on and help new or outcast student feel welcomed in your ministry:

  • Never can have too many volunteers- The more quality volunteers you have the more ground you can cover. The better the student to leader ratio can be, the more likely you are going to make sure that every student feels connected with at your group. We recently recruited a ton of weekend leaders and this has helped us make sure that every student is talked to and greeted when they walk in.
  • Have “zones”- We have our leaders in zones. Each leader is given an area to sit in and hang out in the service. Their sole responsibility is to get to know every single student in their zone. Know their name, school, grade and a hobby. If you have every zone in your facility covered, then every new student and outcast student will be connected with and talked to and feel welcomed.
  • Look for the loners- Sounds sort of mean, but it helps! Chances are if they are sitting by themselves they are either new or they are an outcast. If you have student leaders or volunteers who are trained to specifically look for students sitting by themselves and have them go connect with them, every new student and outcast will feel welcomed.
  • Weed out the newbies- Don’t make them stand up in service or anything, that would terrify them. Give them an incentive to make themselves known. What we do is announce at the top of the service that if a new student fills out the little info card and turns it into one of the staff or volunteers, they will get a free gift from us (something like a Goldenspoon or Starbucks gift card). One, they turn in their info to get the gift and then you have their info to get in contact with them later that week. Two, they immediately make a connection and talk to whomever they turn the card into and it cause conversation with a new student.
  • Secretly play 20 questions- With new or outcast students, some of the toughest things to get them to do is open up and talk. So I like to play 20 questions with them without them knowing and just ask them questions until something finally sparks a conversation. There is this one outcast student in my ministry who loves hardcore music. That is the only thing he likes to talk about. I found that out just by asking him questions and I finally asked him about music and he went on and on about it. So that’s what we talk about and now when he gets to church he looks for me to talk about it. For now, that’s what we talk about and I hope later we can talk about more, but I got my foot in.

Making a new or outcast student feel welcomed and loved can be tough, but its essential. We just need to know what to look for and know how to create a connection to make them feel loved.

What are some other ways that you can add to make these students feel welcomed in your ministry?

In Devotional, God, high school ministry, personal growth, Relational, student ministry, Uncategorized, Youth Ministry , , , , , , , , ,
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GUEST POST: Being a Good Pastor is Great But…

September 4, 2012 — Leave a comment

If your life has been anything like mine lately, things have been pretty busy.  The days go by fast, but the To-Do lists seem to grow.  Too often I’ve seen people excel as pastors, but fail miserably at being a husband, parent or friend.  I’m realizing how important it is not to let things and people slip through the cracks.  So for now, this will be a daily checklist I make for myself, and I¹d encourage you to do the same:

  • Thank God for everything you have.  This is one of the more difficult things to make a discipline, but the more we touch base with God, the more he’ll reveal Himself to us.  It’s pretty rad.
  • Tell your wife, husband, fiance, boyfriend or girlfriend how much they mean to you.  Think of something new every day.  Re-live old memories, or just tell them how awesome you think they are.  Remember, you are committed to them, too.  Being in youth ministry, my rule of thumb is to schedule dates and make plans with students and leave the last-minute spontaneous outings for my wife.  It makes her feel special, and there is no better way to show students what a healthy marriage looks like than having fun together.  There’s nothing wrong with telling students that you don’t want to leave your wife hanging. (note: obviously things come up sometimes, but students move on and wives are forever).
  • If you have a kid, NEVER leave without kissing them and telling them how much you love them, even if they¹re too young to understand.  You’ll never get times like that back, and even if you have over 50 kids because you’re in youth ministry, your own kids get priority.
  • Touch base with close family members through email, texts and phone calls.  Try to manage at least one phone call a week, and if you have a spare hour or so, stop by.  It¹ll mean so much to them.
  • Make sure your close friends feel like close friends.  We should never be too busy for each other.  Family is important, but friends fill voids even family cannot.

These are five easy things that will ensure the people who mean most to you know you¹re always thinking of them.  Yes, it could get crazy, but there are simply people in our lives that we shouldn’t let fall through the cracks.

Adam Knowles is the Junior High Director at Inland Hills Church in Chino, CA. Check out his blog HERE and you can find him on Twitter and Instagram at @Adam_Knowles

In Guest Post, high school ministry, Leadership, Relational, student ministry, Youth Ministry , , , , , , , , , ,
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